I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
