dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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