You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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