"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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