He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
