I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
