Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
