3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
