Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
time to smoke my breakfast
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
