I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. đŚ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
