just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
