I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dignity is for republicans.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
