I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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