The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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