I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
