i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
