You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
