Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
