ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
