She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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