Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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