You're my little dorito
thus making me awesome and them whores
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
