He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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