She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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