When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
