It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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