I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
