Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
