sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
