I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
