WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
