my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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