youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
