If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
