I love black thongs
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
