Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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