Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
