i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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