We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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