i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
what is it with giant penises always finding me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
