The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize