Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You're like the curious george of whores
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize