she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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