Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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