Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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