So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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