i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
