Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
