So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
