I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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