I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
