3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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