There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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